Where are you?
In a non slutty way
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
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