just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
