duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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