Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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