Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
