I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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