I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
