We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
