Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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