Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
