I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she looked like the before picture.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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