Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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