wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
