I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
