well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
