so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
