I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
