No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
