apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
