but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
