grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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