I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
