My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize