Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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