You're so nebulous sometimes
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
