Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
