Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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