Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
