I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Randomize
