Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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