I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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