i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize