I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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