I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
