Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
