she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
