Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
