Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
