You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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