'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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