How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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