sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
