sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
