found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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