My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
