it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
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Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
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We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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