For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
3 2 1 whiskey
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
