Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
