What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
