is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
