Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
