it was like eating out sand paper
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
