so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
