i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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