She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
