So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
