fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
