a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Vodka?
Forever.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
