I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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