You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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