I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
