Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
