there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
