she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
