We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
