I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Randomize
