Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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