ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
