i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
