You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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