I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize