She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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