she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
