So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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